Broken
by s0Cal09
Summary: Karmy AU: After the wedding things changed between Amy and Karma. Karma lost a lot that night. She lost her best friend, her happiness and her brother. This story is about Karma finding life without Amy and accepting who she is.
1. Prologue

**So this is my first fan-fiction I have written. I hope it is not terrible. Please leave a comment.**

**Karmy AU:**

**After the wedding things changed between Amy and Karma. Karma lost a lot that night. She lost her best friend, her happiness and her brother. This story is about Karma finding life without Amy and accepting who she is.**

**So this is not going to be a happy karmy story. There will be drama and they wont get together for a while. Karma POV.**

Broken –Prologue

Today was the day. The day I will start with my new life without _them. _ The day I won't let _them_ influence my feelings.

Today was the first day of senior year and then off to College, the best accomplishment you can achieve at the age of eighteen! Well that is what my parents told me. Honestly I am ready to get out of Austin, Texas. Ever since freshman year and the whole Faking It fiasco with my ex- best friend I am ready to leave Austin Texas and never look back. And I am sure _they _will like that too.

A lot has changed since freshman year. I guess you can say I deserved everything that happened to me. I guess you are right. I didn't appreciate things freshman year and I paid the price. It's hard to think about that stuff but I realized that the past is apart of me and I can't change it. My past made me stronger. And as much as I had hurt. I wouldn't change anything.

I guess I should start from the beginning. Well if all started with the coolest guy at Hester High mistaken my best friend and I as lesbians. Me of course would do anything to become popular begged my best friend to pretend to be lesbians and she agreed. It was all fun a games. Got to kiss and hold my best friends hand, became popular and make out sessions with the hottest guy at school.

Then the night of the wedding. My best friends mother was getting married for the fourth time. I was also told wedding are a celebration of love. This day was no celebration. My best friend admitted to being in love with me and the hottest guy at school found out we was faking being lesbians.

Things got ugly. There were crying, screaming and then a slammed door.

There were many things I wish I said and done. Things that could have change the outcome of our current situation. But that was the past. And you can't change the past no matter how badly you wish.


	2. Chapter 1

Broken- Ch. 1

_Look at you, you're pathetic, no wonder you're alone. You deserve this. You deserve to be alone. To be sad, to be broken!_

This is how I wake up in the morning. Most girls try to boost their confidence but telling themselves positive things. But how can I be confident with everything that happened.

I have a daily routine. Wake up, get dress, go downstairs and eat breakfast, go to school, ignore _them_, come home and do homework. It is an endless cycle. I have to have routines. If I don't I will start to cry. And crying is a sign of weakness and he told me to be strong. I **have **to be strong.

So far only two people outside of my family knows. And I want it to stay that way. I can't be as strong if others know. They will break me and I have to be strong, strong for him.

I give myself one last look over in the mirror before I take a deep breath and head downstairs. Downstairs I see my dad. He used to smile at small things, like the sun coming out each morning and my mom cooking his favorite meal for dinner. Mother never cooked my favorite meal. She probably doesn't even know what it is. As I walk past Dad he keeps focus on the Austin Texas Newspaper. I don't get my usual bear hug. I miss his bear hugs. Since what happened I don't get touched much. I don't want to be touched. Being touched shows being loved. And I don't deserve to be love.

I grab a piece of toast and pour a glass of orange juice. I look around to find the new addition to our family. I guess when you lose someone you also gain someone; well I guess two someone's. The circle of life!

As I finish my orange juice I hear this annoying voice asking me what I have planned for today. I don't turn around and answer " Go to school" in the most sarcastic voice I could possible have.

"Sweetheart, I mean afterwards. Are you going hang out with A-".

"Mother, I might go to dinner with Natalie and Mitchell, so don't expect me."

I walk out the door without another word.

I decided to walk to school today. I don't care that I am late. I hear a beeping sound from my right pocket. I know its Natalie or Mitchell trying to see where I am. Sometimes I need to be alone. I want to be alone. I know they said they could pick me up and take me to school. But I don't want to bother them. They want to get closer to me. To be there for me. But I know I will just hurt and betray them. Like I did to _them._

I finally make it to school. I missed first and second period. I am at my locker putting away my books from my bag. I look to my left and see Natalie.

"Hey"

"Hey…"

"Your two periods late…"

"Yea."

Silence. This is usually how we communicate. She asks me a thousands questions, I answer with yea. I know it annoys her but I don't know what to say. I have nothing to say.

"So…"

I look at her expecting what to come next.

"Would you want to come over tonight? We can order pizza and –"

"I don't think so. I have- I have family things"

Silence again.

"Okay" she says softly looking down. She has asked me probably ten times if I wanted to come over. My answer is always I have family things. It is not a complete lie. I do have family things but not with my dad or mother, they don't even notice I'm missing. They don't even care.

Ding!

The bell rings, I turn to Natalie and give a force smile and head off to class.

I don't mean to be this way with Natalie. I know she is trying to help me. But like I said I don't deserve to be helped. She is only my friend because she feels sad for me. The only reason she knows is because she and Mitchell have been friends since sixth grade. I cringe at that number. You would think if you known someone for that long you would know who they truly are. But I guess not. You change, they change. They meet people whom she known for 3 months and pick them over you. But it's not a big deal. I deserve everything I am getting. I know that, _they _know that the whole universe knows that.

I turn the corner of the hallway and I see _her. _I see _her _blonde long hair. _Her _arms wrapped around _that _girl with long black hair. I see _her _smirking. Like she knows what she is doing to me. I keep my head up high and walk past them. I can feel their stares on my back. I keep on walking holding in my tears.

I walk through the door and sit in my assigned desk for AP World History. I don't know why I am in 4 AP classes. I am in AP Chemistry, AP Calculus, AP World History and AP American Literature. I am not that smart. I don't know how I passed the tests. When I got the letter telling me I will be placed in AP classes _she _asked if my mother gave me some special brownies to help me pass those test. I laughed. Just shows what _she _thinks of me.

I pull out my notebook and start taking notes. I am not interested in what Mr. Collins is saying. I just need a distraction from the hallway situation. As I continue to write notes I hear three words. Three words that will break me. Love, War and Freedom.

I feel like I can't breathe. Actually I can't breathe. Counselor Zachery had told me to take deep breathes but I can't. I feel like the walls are closing in. I stand up. Mr. Collins asks me what is wrong. I start to run. I let my feet lead me while my mind is a mess.

I don't know where I am going. I just know I need to get out of here.

* * *

**Hey guys, here is another chapter. I hope you like it. Remember to leave a comment with any suggestions!**


	3. Chapter 2

Hey All, thanks for reading my story. I hope everyone is liking this story. This is my first time writing so any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks

Broken- Ch. 2

Staring. That is how I spend most of my days. Staring at my ceiling, staring at the mirror, staring at my brother's tombstone.

Yes, you heard it right, my brother's tombstone.

My brother Zen Ashcroft has always wanted to serve for his country despite what our family thought. He was always the favorite child. _They chose me they just got you. _

My brother was adopted when I was two years old. He was seven and I was two. He was adopted from Houston from teen parents who couldn't financial take care of their son. My parents always got an honorable smile when they tell a stranger the story.

As we both grew up we started to get along better. He told me he would always be there for me. No matter what stupid fight we got in. It was hard when he graduated from high school. He called a family meeting and told us that he joined the Army. That he will be leaving for boot camp in the next month and then probably get deployed to fight for our nation. None of us knew how to take the news. As always I ignored my feelings and pretended like things will be ok. I was thirteen at the time. I didn't fully understand what fighting to be free meant. He would take me on drives around Austin. I enjoyed them. We would go to our favorite pizza place. We would play at the arcade. I started to realize that he was going to leave us and might not come back.

The day he left was the hardest. It was harder than when gam gam died. His hug was long and tight. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me that he loves me and to be strong.

My brother Zen Ashcroft died a month ago. He was serving over seas fighting for our freedom. One day I woke up, went downstairs to find my house empty. I quickly made some breakfast since I am always late. No matter how early I wake up for school I am always late. Well anyways, I went to school. During second period I get called into Principal Penelope's office. She told me to see down. I sat down. She had that look, that look that people give you when they know what they are going to say is going to destroy you but is needed to be said. Or that look when someone feels bad for you but doesn't know how to communicate with you. She told me that my parents will be here shortly and something bad has happened. I asked what. She told me that my brother 's unit was attacked this morning and he was found died. He died in Afghanistan, serving his country. I stood up and started to run. I ran and ran till my legs couldn't run anymore. I was trying not to cry. I talked to him about two weeks before. He said he might not be able to call me on my birthday. My birthday was in three months. He told me he wanted to wish me a sweet sixteen and to be expecting something amazing from him. I told him I missed him, even though we always fought. I told him I missed him and loved him. He told me to keep being strong. **To be strong for dad and mom, to be strong for him.**

Before I knew it was in the park a mile from School. I was still sinking in the news of my brother when I heard a voice behind me. He asked me if I was okay.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You look like you're about to cry."

I turn around. I see a guy with dirty blonde hair. He is about 5 feet 6 inches tall. He has brown soft eyes. He is wearing a black shirt with "I'm with Stupid" with an index finger pointing at his neck. I've seen him at school before. He was staring at me.

"I- I am being strong"

I couldn't stop what I was about to say.

"I am being strong. He told me to be strong." I feel hot tears streaming down my face.

He takes a step closer to me.

"I can't cry, crying is a sign of weakness. He told me to be strong. I can't cry."

His arms are around me. I have fallen to my knees. I have my hands covering my eyes. My head is lying on his chest.

He tells sometimes everything is going to be okay.

And for a second I believe him.


	4. Chapter 3

Broken- Ch. 3

The next morning I woke up to the smell of grass and bright sunlight hitting my face. I feel sick. Not the sick that you feel like throwing up, but the exhausted sick that you just want to just curl up in bed and shut the world out.

I feel an arm around my body; I look up to see the dirty blonde hair guy staring at me.

"Hey"

"Hey-" My voice is so raspy. I can barely talk.

He turns around and looks through his bag. He pulls out a bottle of water and hands it to me. I give a shy smile.

"Thanks"

"No problem." He wants to say more.

"Sorry about- Sorry about last night. I'm just going to go."

"It's okay Karma."

I look up at him. How does he know my name? He notice my confused look.

"I'm Mitchell" He holds out his hand for me to shake it. I oblige. "I've seen you around school. We used to have several classes together before you were transferred to honor classes. Smarty pants!"

He gives me a big smile. I look down; I don't have the energy to return the favor.

"Why don't I take you home, your parents have been worried".

"How do you know my parents have been worried?" I say before I even think about it. This makes me mad. When do they care about me?

"They called you like one hundred times last night. I answered after the tenth call. They asked who I was and I told them I am your friend. They sounded worried and wanted to pick you up, but I told them that I will stay with you tonight and bring you home in the morning".

I stare at him. Why is he being so nice to me?

"Why did you say that?"

"Say what?"

"That you were my friend."

"Because we are?" He says smiling at me like we have known each other for years.

"I don't know you, we are **not **friends". I sounded harsher than I meant to.

He still looks at me with a smile. What is wrong with this guy?

"We are friends. Friends don't let friends cry by themselves."

That phrase stung in my chest. _Friends don't let friends cry by themselves. _I couldn't stop myself from thinking of _her. _

"Take a deep breath. Everything is going to be okay. " He says looking me straight in the eyes like he knows what I am thinking. "I know right not it seems like the world is against you. But everything will be okay, you just have to strong."

He grabs my hands and pulls me up to my feet. He hugs me again. The warm feeling inside feels so foreign. I feel tears forming in my eyes.

"Are you ready to go home?"

" Home is the last place I want to go", I say honestly.

"Okay, lets get breakfast, do you like pizza?"

I don't know what is wrong with this kid. First it is breakfast time, yes you can have pizza for breakfast but there is no restaurant that is open that sells pizza before eleven in the morning. And second, well I just met this guy and he is acting like we have known each other forever. I feel my stomach growling.

"Sure, but can we get pancakes?" Chocolate chip pancakes are my favorite. Not even my mother knows that.

"Sure, I want the cooks to draw a smiley face on mine."

He puts his arm around my shoulder and we walk off to his car.

Breakfast was actually enjoyable. Neither of us said a word and just ate silently. I didn't feel the need to speak and to be honest I don't think I could if I tried. My throat hurt so badly. I've already drunk Mitchells bottle of water and three glasses from the restaurant. I start to pull out my wallet to pay for my portion of the meal. Mitchell quickly grabs my hand and brings it back down.

"I got this," he said winking at me.

I try to pull my wallet out again and the same thing happens.

"Karma, I got this. Don't worry".

The waitress is just staring back and forth at us smiling. I suddenly get the urge to use the rest room. I excuse myself from the table and head towards the rest room.

I look in the mirror. God I look terrible. My eyes are blood shot red, my hair looks messy and I have dark black circles around the bottom of my eyes. I cup my hands together and wash my face with the sink water. It makes me feel better for like two seconds. Than I get that feeling again in the pit of my stomach. I hear a beeping coming from my right pocket. I take the phone from my pocket and check the caller ID.

-MOTHER-

Great! The last person I would want to talk to. I answer the phone annoyed.

"Hey"

"Darling! Where are you? When are you coming home?"

"I'm at the café downtown. I will be home soon."

"How long will you –"

"Mother. I will be home soon."

I hang up the phone and walk out of the rest room. I head towards the table where Mitchell is. He is signing the receipt and looks up to me smiling.

"Thanks Mitchell. I'm sorry but I need to go home."

He stares at me for a moment, worry in his eyes.

"Okay, I'll drive you."

"No, no. I have been a burden. I can walk home"

"What? You are not a burden. I wanted to do this"

Why is he being so nice to me? I don't deserve his kindness.

"It's fine. Thanks for breakfast, I'll pay you back". I turn around and start heading towards the door.

"Karma." He is now standing walking my way. "I am not going to let you walk home and you are not going to repay me. I _want _to help you."

I feel my heart beating fast. I just nod and let him lead the way.

As we walk to his car I notice a brown haired nice smile guy looking at me. I haven't talked to him since _that _night and I sure in hell don't want to talk to him now. He looks at me for half a second than he is back swapping spit with this girl with long black hair and big lips. Like I am nothing. Like I meant nothing to him. I keep focus on the ground and quickly jump in the car. I tell Mitchell the directions to my house. As we pull up to my house I see my parents and the new addition to our family standing in the doorway. I look down at my hands and stare. I'm not sure if I am ready to be with my family. I feel a nudge in my left side. Mitchell some how has my phone and is typing something in it.

"Here, I just saved my number. Karma, if you need anything please _please _don't hesitate to call. I'll be here in a jiffy!"

He is looking at me with big eyes. I nod my head. He grabs my face with both hands and repeats what he just said. He says it slower and with great eye contact. I feel uncomfortable. I guess he is doing this to make sure I am hearing and understanding everything he is telling me.

"So you will call if you need me?" He asks, his hands still on my checks.

I pull away his hand and say yes. I turn around and see my parents waiting for me to come in.

I take a deep breath and open the door.

**A/N: I wanted to introduce Mitchell. He is going to be Karma's rock. We will learn more background about his life and family as more chapters' progress. Also I will go into more detail about Natalie, her life and how her friendship with Karma will be. **

**Some might wonder who this "additional family member" is. It will come clear next chapter. **

**Thank you for reading my story! If you have any comments or suggestions feel free to let me know! **


	5. Chapter 4

Broken -Ch. 4

Walking up to my house felt like walking to my death. The looks on my parents face tell me that they feel just as awful as I feel. My dad pats me on the back and we all head inside.

As usual, mother has tea brewing in the kitchen. She gives me a cup and waits for me to take a sip. I oblige. The warm tea feels good as it goes down my sore throat.

I look up and see everyone is staring at me.

"So" my dad finally says.

"Uh, sorry. I was just-". I don't know how to explain what happened last night. I guess they knew I wouldn't be okay. But they didn't care, they could have told me about my brother's death instead of my principal. But they didn't. Good job parents. You get the worst parents awards!

"It's okay sweetheart," my mother says. Her voice makes me grind my teeth; I hate it when she calls me sweetheart. She won't ever understand me. Hell she won't ever like me.

"Why don't I go get us all something to eat? I'm starving!" We all stare at her, the new addition to our family.

My dad lets out a small chuckle.

"It's okay Savannah, I know your eating for two. Lets go to the store and get some food for lunch," my dad smoothly says.

Savannah looks at my mother than at me; she then nods and heads out the door following my dad.

It is just my mother and I. I can't be around her or look at her direction so I look at my dad and Savannah as they walk out the door. I see Savannah big stomach. I think about my brother.

"She is going to pop any time soon you know." My mother says looking down at the tea in her hands.

All I could say was yea. I look at my mom and her puffy red eyes. She has been crying all night. This must be eating her up. Losing her favorite child I mean. I stand up and tell her I am going to lay down. She nods and I head upstairs.

The instant I lay my head on my pillow I fall asleep. My dreams aren't really pleasant dreams. More like nightmares. I guess you can say after all the events I have had in the last couple of months I deserve to not be peaceful. But today's nightmare is different. It isn't about _them_ or _her. _It is about Savannah. About the first time we met.

_It was three weeks after the fall out with her. We haven't talked, texted or even looked at each other. Shane randomly came up to me and told me to stay away from Amy. That she is moving on and I deserve everything that is heading my way. I didn't know how to respond to this so I just nodded. He smiled devilish and turned around on his heel. He would never like me. I knew that deep inside. I made too many mistakes. I "hurt his two most favorite people". The same goes with Lauren. Anything I do will make her hate me. No matter how many times I try to apologize to her she will give me her snake eyes. _

_So my weekdays are consistent with eating lunch and walking home alone. I was probably alone for ninety percent of the days. The weekends were worst. At least at school I could interact with classmates. On weekends I just stared at my ceiling. _

_But today was going to be different. It was a Saturday morning and my parents have already left for the farmers market. I decided to do something today that will make me forget. Make me happy. So I took a quick shower, put clothes and shoes on and headed out the door. I had no where particular to go, but I knew I had to get away from my room. _

_I found myself walking in downtown Austin. There are tons of booths on the streets selling handmade crafts. I go to each booth and admire these people talents. _

_It is around lunch time and I decided to grad a slice of pizza from a local pizza parlor. I got my lunch and sat outside. I would occasionally look up and people watch. As I finished my meal I was about to get up and throw away my trash when I hear. _

_"Ashcroft, Karma Ashcroft?" _

_I turn around and see a lady with big green eyes, light brown hair and a big belly. _

_I look around to see if she might have mistaken me for someone else because I know for a fact I don't know her. _

_She says my name again. _

_"Yes, I'm Karma Ashcroft." _

_"Hi, I'm Savannah Daniels. I am pregnant with your brother Zen's baby."_

_I just stared at her. Trying to process the words that just came out of her mouth. _

_"What?" I ask, feeling very confused and having trouble breathing._

_"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that so soon. I'm Savannah Daniels. My friends call me Savi. You can call me that too. Can we sit down a talk." She heads towards the table I was previous sitting at. I follow her. _

_"Listen, I know this is weird for a sixteen year old but let me explain. I met your brother 9 months ago in California. He went there on a mini vacation with some of his military friends. We met and drank a lot and well you see the outcome. She pointed to her stomach. He told me his family lives in Austin Texas and he has a sister named Karma. We actually talked a lot about you. You are prettier than he described." _

_I continue to stare at her. Still processing what is being said. _

_"Well anyways. I got pregnant two weeks after he left and have been debating to tell him about his child or to just raise her alone. I realized that it isn't right to keep something as huge as this from him so that is why I am here." _

_I am still staring. What the hell is happening? _

_"Karma?" Savi asks. _

_Her story is implausible. There are so many holes in her story. First my brother would never complement me or talk about me to his friends. He would sometimes lie to his friends and say he is an only child. And second. Why would Zen go to California when he only spends so many days in the United States. This is not like him to not come home to us. I mean we are his family. We love him. All these thoughts cross my mind. _

_"Karma?" I hear again. _

_"What- what do you want?" I ask, my voice getting harsher. _

_She looked at her hands and started playing with a bracelet that was around her wrist. _

_"Look Karma, I know this is a lot to take in but I need to talk to your parents. I need to tell them that Zen and I are having a baby. I need to get in contact with Zen and the only way is through the family. If you could please take me to your home so I can talk to them that would be great." _

_She is now looking at me with tears in her eyes. I don't know what to say. I am hoping my alarm will sound any second now so I can wake up from this weird dream. _

_Savi grabs and hands and says please. _

_I am done keeping secrets. Secrets will come back and bite you in the ass. I nod yes and she smiles. _

_I sit in my living room. Listening. Looking at the expressions of my parents as Savi is telling them the same story she told me. The only thing my dad says is oh. And my mom is siting holding the cup of tea like her life depended on it. _

_My parents told Savi that she could stay with us till her and Zen figure things out. They let her stay in his old room across from mine. They said that we can only contact Zen through writing letters and that a phone call has to come on his end. We told Savi that he calls every two weeks and this week was the week he should call. So we play the waiting game. _

_1 week later:_

_We finally got a call from Zen. Mother answered and was happy to hear his voice. She has this smile on her face when she talked to him. She never smiles when she talks to me. Than Dad got to talk to him. Than it was Savi's turn. I told her that we only get ten minutes a person so she can use my time because it is important. They talked for what seemed like a century. Than Savi turned to me and said Zen wants to talk to me. I took the phone from her and walk upstairs to my room. _

_"Hey you!" I say with a smirk on my face. Finally he messed up. He wont be called the precious child anymore. _

_"Hey Karm," he replies. I can tell he is rolling his eyes. _

_"So I guess you are going to be a father," I say. It felt weird saying those words. I never thought my brother would get a girl pregnant. _

_"Yea, looks like I am. Karm. You know I love you right?"_

_Those words scared me. Why is he telling me this now out of the blue? _

_"Yea yea, I know." I don't really believe him. _

_"Karma, I love you. I will always love you. I know I can be a dick sometimes but I will always be there for you. I just want you to know that," he says as his voice trails out. _

_"Zen, why are you saying this? What is wrong?" I start to panic. This isn't like him. He is so strong!_

_"Karm, It is bad here. It is really bad. I just- I need you to be strong. I need you to be strong for me. Be strong for mom and dad. Be strong for Savi and my daughter." I can hear his voice cracking. I think he is about to cry. _

_"I will be. I will be strong. I promise." I say. I have this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. _

_"Okay, good. You're my strong soldier!" I smile into the phone. I don't want to hang up. I listen to him breathing in the phone. _

_"Karma, I have to go. I love you." _

_"I love you too." _

Ding! Ding!

I wake up with tears streaming down my face. I am shaking uncontrollable. Why did I dream of him? Why is all this shit happening to me? Oh yea, I know why this is happening to me because I deserve everything that's coming my way.


	6. Chapter 5

Broken- Ch. 5

The next morning was awful. Pretending to be okay when your not is harder than it looks. I just wanted today to be over with so I can hide from this cruel world in the comfort of my bed.

I do my usual routine. Wake up, eat breakfast and walk to school. But today was different. As I closed my front door I see a car with Mitchell inside of it. He waves at me as he notice me. I walk his direction. I notice a girl is in his front passenger seat on her phone.

"Good morning sunshine!" He says smiling.

"Hi" I said in a monotone voice.

"Get in, I'm driving you to school!"

I give him a weird look and he motions his hand to come in the car. I oblige.

I get in the back seat. The girl who was on her phone has dark brown hair and sunglasses on. She seems very uninterested in the conversation.

I put my seatbelt on and Mitchell starts to drive. About a minute has gone by and Mitchell notices how quiet it is in the car. He turns to the girl on her phone.

"Natalie, this is Karma. Karma, this is Natalie."

Natalie doesn't look up from her phone and ignores what Mitchell just said.

I say "hey" and she ignores me.

It was awkward the rest of the ride to school. When we got out of the car Mitchell nudge me and said "don't worry about her. She is bitchy in the morning. She will come around". I just nod, say thanks for the ride and head to my locker. Mitchell tried to stop me but he is too late.

The morning goes by slow. I go to each of my classes and write notes that are on the board. I have no clue what each class is talking about. Then lunch comes around.

I don't feel like eating so I go outside and sit on a bench away from everyone. It is behind the school so not that many people can see me. I look up and I see a blond getting inside a truck with five bumper stickers on the back heading off to lunch. We haven't had lunch together since that day. I don't blame her from pushing me away.

I lose myself in my thoughts when I hear a voice. It is Mitchell again walking my way saying hey.

He sits by me and asks if I am okay. I say yes. I don't know if I am okay. I don't know what I am feeling. I feel so weak, so vulnerable. I hate this feeling. He noticed I am thinking too much. He nudges me and gives me half of his sandwich I didn't notice he had in his hand. I told him I wasn't hungry but he makes me take a bit anyways. I take a bit. It is peanut butter and jelly. Great, something that reminds me of _her. _

The lunch bells rings and I get up from the bench.

As I am about to leave Mitchell puts his arms around me and embraces me in a tight hug. I am not going to lie, I miss being hug and feeling protected. I let myself be hugged for a couple more seconds before I pull away. Before I pull away he whispers in my ear, "Karma, everything will be okay."

I look down for a second and think he doesn't know the whole story. Nothing is ever going to be okay.

I say thanks and walk off to next period.

**MITCHELL'S POV**

The lunch bell just rang and I wanted to make sure Karma was okay. I mean of course she wouldn't be okay by the events that happened yesterday but I wanted to help her in this weird way.

I don't know what is going on with her. There are a million of questions circling my brain. I mean she lost her brother yesterday. She shouldn't be in school, right? She should be with her family. And why was she at school when she found out about her brother? Why didn't her parent's tell her instead of Principal Penelope? All these questions cross my mind until I heard a familiar voice.

"What are you doing, the bell just rang"

I turn around and see my partner in crime.

"I was just- talking to someone."

"That Karma chick? Why? She is a phony."

"Nat!"

"What? It is true. You heard she confessed to faking her relationship with that blonde chick. She is just an attention grabber. Nothing special about her, right?"

I couldn't believe the words coming out of my friend's mouth. She can be so ruthless sometimes.

"Natalie, don't say that. You don't know what is going on in her life-."

Natalie stares at me in disbelief.

"I know exactly what is going on. She is _lonely_ and just wants attention. I mean her supposedly best friend Amy can't even stand to be next to her. They haven't been near each other for months now. Everyone at school hates that Karma chick. She is just a pretty face. Why are you trying to help her? Natalie said annoyed.

"Well, what ever I say isn't going to change your mind. Isn't it" I say annoyed with Natalie and the school for thinking about someone who they don't even know.

"Nope! Remember Mitchell, Karma's a bitch!" She said with a smirk turning around heading to class.

Damn. Something is wrong. Natalie is right. Amy and her haven't been near each other for months now. It is hard not to notice Karma and Amy together. Everyone with eyes could tell that they loved each other deeply. That is why I guess most people believed it when they "came out". But that doesn't explain why Amy and that Liam guy are totally ignoring Karma. I mean something must be **very **wrong if Amy wasn't there to comfort Karma yesterday when she heard about her brother.

I sit down on the bench and think about Karma and how she must be feeling. I can relate. Losing someone in the family is the toughest. I don't know if her brother and her were close but there had to be some sort of love between them. It just seems like Karma has lost more than her brother.

Right then I decided that I was not going to let Karma Ashcroft suffer through the pain I went through and try to help me as much as possible. It will be hard though. Karma isn't feeling too well right now and Natalie isn't going to help but it has to be done. I am going to help Karma Ashcroft.

A/N: Sorry about the wait! Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N:** **This story might just be for me since I haven't updated in forever! If you still read this story thank you and feedback is welcomed. **

Broken- Ch. 6

It's been three weeks since I found out about my brothers death and nothing is okay. My dad has been staying at a hotel for the last week. He told us he needs some space. To mourn, but I know deep inside it was too hard to be around mother and I. I am so mad at him for leaving me with mother. When he told me he couldn't look me in the eye. He knows the relationship between mother and I. He knows this is only the best for him and not me. God my family can be so selfish! But hey, so can I.

So ever since my dad left to live in a hotel my mom has gone mental. It's like she has an "off" switch. She is physically there but not mentally. She doesn't acknowledge me at all or goes outside at all. The only time she goes outside is to go to a local pub and drink away her sorrows. Some evenings I come home from school and instead of smelling weed I smell alcohol from her bedroom. I get home at four thirty every day and she is already wasted. When I bring her some water she usually starts yelling at me saying how fucked up her family was. This has become a daily routine.

If you think home sucks, school has gotten worst. I still get ugly stares from classmates when I walk to my locker. I don't get acknowledgements from _them_ and this Natalie chick is awful. I mean not as bad as Lauren Cooper, but a close second. Whenever I am near or talk to Mitchell she always comes in and interrupts our conversation and she gives me this stare like I am the most evil person alive. I mean I am use to it. I get that stare from most of my classmates but her stare creeps me out. Mitchell tells me to forget about her but honestly it is hard. I just always wanted to be liked. And now I am the most hated. I mean no one likes me. My best friend hates me, the guy who I thought I loved and bailed my family and Amy out of jail don't like me. I mean none of them can stand to be near me or even look at me. So when Mitchell takes the time to talk to me I feel a little better about myself.

Mitchell asks if we could study together at my house and my responds is always no. I am too embarrassed for anyone to see my living condition. I mean my house is a mess. I have a drunk mother and my brother knocked up a girl who is staying in our guest room. It is all is too much. How messed up can my life get. So I never invite anyone over (not that there is anyone to invite) or when I answer the door I go outside and close the door behind me to cover up the mess.

I haven't told Mitchell about any of my current situation. I just need to deal with this by myself, because I created this mess and I deserve to have a horrible life.

Today after school I have to go grocery shopping for my family. This morning when I went to get breakfast there was nothing in the fridge. I feel like my role has changed from being the child to parent. It is exhausting!

Right before I was about to leave school Principal Penelope asks me to come to her office. I have this bad feeling in my stomach. The last time she asks me to come to her office I was told about my brother's death.

Principal Penelope asks me how I am doing. I say fine which is a complete lie. I am anything from fine. She stares at me, knowing my lie. She then tells me that she noticed a mood change lately and is very concern with my wellbeing. She thinks that I need to seek help. I stare at her. She thinks I've gone mental. She tells me that many students have gone to counseling. That one of our classmates, Oliver goes to a counselor and that he is doing much better now. I remember Oliver telling me that I am one of his triggers and to stay away from him. I go back to listening. She tells me that I will be seeing Counselor Gibson during my P.E. period starting today. I can't believe this is happening. I tell her I don't want to go and she says she thinks it is for the best. She says it will make me feel better. I hardly agree. I don't want to talk to someone who I don't know and express my feelings. I just need to deal with everything on my own. I try to argue some more but Principal Penelope says this is final. I feel defeated.

I get up from my chair and walk out. This can't be happening, I don't need anyone. I walk pass _them _without a care in the world. I feel their stares on my back but ignore them like usual. I even walk past Natalie and ignore her. I also feel her stare on my back. Right now I am pissed. Pissed that this all is happening to me. Why they fuck are they staring at me. None of them like me, so why waste their energy on me.

I walk, walk to the one place I feel like home. The only place I can be alone. I want to be alone. I want to scream. I want to cry. But I don't. I don't allow myself to do any of those things because I deserve to feel this pain. I deserve to feel numb.

I find the same spot that I was previously the day I found out about my brother. I sit down on the grass and stare. Stare at who knows what. I just know I don't want to be home or at school. I just want to be alone.

It's that time of day I am dreading. The time of day where I will be alone with a strange women who wants me to express my feelings. I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today. I could have skipped school today; it is not like my mom would have notice that I stayed home. But no, I went to school today and I already regret it.

I walk up to room 232. I've never been to a counselor before so I don't know rather to knock on the door or just walk in. I decided to knock on the door. After a few seconds the door opens and a dark skin lady tells me to come in. She asks me my name and tells me to fill out some paper work. I feel like I am in a doctor's office; about to get a checkup for my mental state.

I answer the questions on the packet. These questions are stupid. "On a rate of one to ten how do you describe your way of thinking" and "When you're alone do you A). Think about life's accomplishments; B). Think about hurting yourself or; C). Actually hurting yourself.

If I was going to hurt myself I think I would have done that by now.

I turn in the packet and wait. I wait for about five minutes before a tall skinny woman with short blond curly hair greets me. She is dressed like a hippy, which reminds me of my mother. I try to push that thought away.

"Hi, you must be Karma Ashcroft" she says holding out her right hand.

"Uh- Yes I am." I shake her hand. I feel very awkward.

"Well, Karma, come into my office."

I follow her to her office and defiantly get a hippy vibe. Her room is filled with bright colors and signs saying "Express Yourself". As I sit in an empty chair I feel her staring at me. I stare back at her for what seems like centuries.

"So K-dog, what's up girlfriend!" She says crossing her left leg over her right and leaning back in her chair.

Is this women qualified to be a counselor?

"Nothing much" I respond.

She is staring at me like she is reading my true feelings.

"Okay, K-Dog. Lets set things straight. This is a safe place, a place where feelings are real. I am your girl, if you need to talk at midnight I'm here for you because you know I totally have a boyfriend." She stares down at her hand. "But you are my girl, and girls don't let girls down, right?" she says giving me a wink.

I stare at her. Is she for real?

"So what's up K-dog? Talk to me! How are things going?"

"Everything is fine, perfect actually. Can I go?" I say starting to get up from my chair.

"What, no! Were just getting started!"

"Well Ms. Gibson, I-"

"K-dog, call me Mel! I like being on a first name basis with my students"

"But my name is Karma not K-Do-"

"K-dog-"

I roll my eyes, is this lady serious?

"I sense a lot of resistance coming your way. You need to let people in girlfriend! Let them share life's experiences with you. Let them see all you have to offer."

I think this lady bought something from my parent's food truck a while ago. She is talking nonsense.

The bell rings. Saved by the bell!

"Okay, K-Dog. I will see you here everyday"

I get up from my chair and start walking towards the door.

"Remember, this is a safe place!" I hear her say and I walk out the door.

As I close the door behind me I think this is going to be a long semester!

I wake up with tears in my eyes.

Today was going to be a bad day.

Today, November 7th was the day of Zen Ashcroft's funeral.

I got up out of bed and went downstairs to the kitchen. To my surprise my dad was siting at the table with my mom across from his sipping her cup of tea.

My dad looks up as I pass it. He smiles and grabs my hands and squeezes it tight.

I look at him and could see the pain in his eye. I know it must be hard for him, to lose a son and having to celebrate his life today. It truly sucks. I look at my mother's eyes and see the same thing. Sometimes I wonder if people looked at my eyes they would see this dark hole. But I don't have to worry about that. Nobody gives me the time of day but Mitchell.

Sometimes Mitchell will invite me over this his house. We would sit on his couch and watch TV. Sometimes we talk, other times he just lets me think. Sometimes I tell him I want to be alone and he replies that it is unhealthy for me to be alone so often. He cares for me. I am not sure why but he does. Part of me wants to push him away. To tell him to forget about me but it is nice sometimes to have someone with you. Just to have for support.

Sometimes Natalie will show up. When she does the mood changes. I know she doesn't like me. She never tried to talk to me and gives me a nasty looks. Ever since the moment after I was told I had to go to a counselor she has given me a less nasty stare. Usually when she shows up I make an excuse and leave. Mitchell tells me to stay but I know when I am not wanted. One time Natalie was about to say something but she quickly closes her mouth. I guess it was something insulting.

But today I needed Mitchell. I hated how depended I became of him. I know I should be alone and deal with things on my own but there is so much a girl can take. And he knows about my brother so I don't have to explain stuff. Sometimes he asks me about Amy and Liam but when that comes up I quickly change the subject. He got the point after a couple of tries. He tells me when I am ready that he is all ears.

I got upstairs and change in to my clothes for the funeral. The funeral was in two hours. Mitchell said he would meet me in an hour so I have plenty of time to get ready.

After about fifteen minutes I am staring at myself in the mirror. I don't know what to think. My thoughts are racing in head. Mitchell told me to come over last night and tried to comfort me. He could tell how anxious I was about the funeral. He told me to just take deep breaths and he will be there for me.

I remember how anxious I was last night. I was having trouble breathing. The memory played in my mind over and over last night.

_"Mitchell this is stupid. She is not going to answer!"_

_"How do you know if you don't try? I mean, do you want her there?"_

_That was a stupid question. Of course I wanted my best friend there with me during a time that I needed her most. _

_I thought back on when my gam gam died. How she spend every second with me, holding me. She always wanted to make sure I was okay. But I had an unpleasant feeling that she could care less about how I felt. _

_So far Mitchell was the only one who knew about my brothers death. He told me that Natalie asked a couple of times what was wrong with me. I stared at him in disbelief. He said maybe if Amy knew she would come and comfort me. I was afraid of the outcome of this situation. _

_Mitchell handed me my phone. _

_"I wouldn't know what to say" I say honestly. It had been two months since we spoke and she feels like a stranger to me. _

_"Don't worry. Talk from your heart. I will be here for you. Right here!" He says patting a spot my bed. He makes me feels safe. I try not to be clingy but I feel like I need someone now. _

_"Okay- here goes nothing" I said. _

_I type in her number and it populated in my phone. I knew her number by heart since the day we got cell phones. She was the first number I memorized before my parents. _

_I press "call"_

_One ring, two rings, three rings. "Hi, this is Amy. Leave a message!"_

_It felt comforting hearing her voice. _

_"Um-Hey Aimes. This is Karma. But you know that"_

_I feel like an idiot. _

_"Listen. I know things aren't good between us, but something happened to my family. My brother died last month in Afghanistan and tomorrow is his funeral. I need you. I miss you. If you could come tomorrow at one that would mean the world to me. –Pause- Amy. I am sorry for everything, I am so sorry." _

_I sigh. That was difficult. I wonder if she is going to come. _

_"Was that so bad?" Mitchell said. I stared at him. _

_"Yes, that was terrible! Why did I do that?" I say mainly to myself. _

_"Because you miss her. You want her to be there for you!"_

_I feel really clingy. I need to become more dependent. That will be my new year resolution. _

_"Do you want to call Liam?"_

_"What?" I said, in shock._

_"I think you should call Liam. I mean he cares for you too. Maybe he being there will help you too?"_

_I stare at my phone thinking how I will feel if I called him. _

_I now know that I don't love him. I am attracted to him but what we have was nothing compared to what Amy and I had. I feel guilty for playing him. I honestly didn't mean too. I guess you can say I am confused. Amy didn't deserve what I did to her and Liam didn't deserve what I did to him either. I completely understand why they pushed me away. I wish I could go back in time and change everything. Maybe if I could Amy and I would be inseparable like when we were younger. And Liam would be just another guy. _

_I feel a hand on my knee. I look up and Mitchell is holding my phone. I look at my phone and see Liam's name on the screen. _

_I look up at Mitchell and he nods. _

_I press, "call". _

_One ring, two rings, Voice mail. _

_Not this again! I think annoyed. _

_"Hey Liam, This is Karma. Listen I know we aren't good right not but my brother died last month in Afghanistan and his funeral is tomorrow. If you could come that would mean a lot to me. I am sorry about everything, you have to know that. The funeral is at one. Hopefully I see you tomorrow. Bye"_

_Calling Amy and Liam didn't make me feel better. I am not sure if I feel worst now but what is done is done. Now we play the waiting game. _

_Mitchell gives me a tight hug and tells me everything will be okay. _

I have an hour till Mitchell will be at my house. I took this time to lay down. For the first time in two months I opened my brothers room that was across from me. We offered Savi to stay in his room but she said she didn't feel right. I forgot how she must have been feeling by his death. I mean she is carrying his child. I make a mental note to make an effort to make sure she is okay.

I walk in my brother's room. It feels foreign. I remembered when I was younger and we would play in his room. He would have an Army action figure and I would play with Barbie. I remember we would make up these elaborate stories. Then I remember the couple of times Amy and I would play in his room when he was at soccer practice. He had the bigger room so we could play with more toys in his room. That was our logic.

I take a deep breath. The room looks and smells the same, like him. Even though he has been gone for more than a year the room smells like him. I walk over to his bed. It is nicely made. Something about his bed draws me to it. I lay my head on his pillow. The feeling is overwhelming. All these memories start flooding my mind and I feel tears in my eyes. Before I knew it I am crying hard on my brothers bed. His pillow smells like him. His bed reminds me of the times I was too scared to sleep by myself so I would ask him if I could sleep with him. All I could do was cry. I cried for what seems like forever.

I hear a knock on the door. I don't turn around. I don't want anyone to see state right now. I wipe away my tears.

I hear footsteps coming closer to me. Then a hand is on my shoulder. I turn around and see my mother staring at me. I want to tell her to go away but I am weak and I don't have to voice. I turn away.

She puts her arms around me as I continue to lie down. She grabs my hands and lightly squeezes it.

"It is weird, being in his room when he is gon-"

She couldn't complete the sentence. I am glad she didn't because I don't think I could keep my tears from falling. She is about to cry. I turn around and see my mother for the first time. I see how sad she is. How much she is mourning.

"You know he loved you" my mother said tears falling from her eyes. "He loved and cared for you so much. When you were younger and a boy would come near you he would always go up to him and intimidate him. One time he punched a boy because he said you were pretty. He was suspended for a day." My mom said, almost laughing.

I don't know why my mother is telling me this. It makes me feel worst.

"He would have been a great father, wouldn't he".

Her words stung deeply. Reality is starting to hit.

"Yea, he would." Was all I could say, I am trying very hard not to let my mom see me cry. He told me to be strong. She told me to be strong for our parents. I will not let him down.

"I miss him mom, I miss him so much. Why did this happen to him? Why?" I lost control of keeping my feeling hidden. I let myself go. My mom holds me tight as I cry on her shoulder.

We stay like this for several minutes. Taking each other in. Savoring this moment.

"Baby, it is time." I let go of my mom. I forgot the feel of her. I miss her. I am reminded of the old days when I got hurt she would kiss my boo boo. She would make me feel better.

We get up and she grabs my hand. And kisses my cheek. We walk downstairs.

We pull up to the funeral home. It is small but nice. American flags are around the venue. I see a lot of my brother military friends.

As we walk up I feel stares on me. Some are relatives and some are my brother's friends from the military and school. I feel and overwhelming feeling in my stomach.

I feel a hand in my hand and look to my right. I am disappointed to find Mitchell by my side. I am hoping Amy or Liam will come today. But I am not going to lie. I have a feeling that neither will show up. I smile at him and give him a squeeze.

Before we head into the room where my brother's casket was I give one last look around. I didn't see what I was looking for.

As we walk to the room we stop at the last person in the line. One by one family and friends said goodbye to the beloved Zen Ashcroft. A couple of people were in front of me and I see Zen's biological parents. We didn't have much contact with them but they were present for Zen's eighteenth birthday and the day he left to join the Army. They spot me and give me a big hug. They told me how they are sorry for my lost and that he loved me deeply. I honestly don't know if these people really knew him because the Zen I knew could care less for me. They go back in line and I see them talking to Savi. I am glad she is talking to them. I mean they are going to be her daughter's grandparents also.

Before I knew it we were next in line. A man was in front of the door letting one person at a time. He slightly smiled at me.

He then said "Are you ready?"

I froze. How could I be ready to say goodbye to my brother. How could anyone say goodbye to someone they loved. How could I be prepared. I can't say goodbye to someone I love. This is was all too much. I feel a squeeze from my right hand and look at Mitchell.

"I will be right here if you need me." He said looking me in the eye.

"You can't come with me?" I asked. I am not sure I could do this alone.

Mitchell pulls me for a hug.

"Karm, you need to say goodbye. It doesn't mean he will be gone forever. He will always be here." He was pointing to my heart. He always knew what to say.

"I'm not ready" I reply in a whisper.

"Karma, you need this. You need to say goodbye."

"No, what am I going to say. I am not ready to say goodbye. Goodbye means he will be gone. And he cant be gone" I cry.

He pulls me for another hug and kisses my forehead.

"I will be out here." He says.

I nod and turn towards the door. The man standing there opens the door. I took a deep breath and started walking.

There I see it. The casket. The room is dark surrounded by lit candles. There are two American Flags on each side of his casket. I walk closer to his casket. I see his motionless body. Lying peacefully. I just stare at him. I stare at him for several minutes. I am not sure what I am expecting. Am I waiting for him to wake up? To say gotcha! But nothing happens. He just looks peaceful. Tears are forming in my eyes. It is getting harder to see. I grab his hand and put my head on the edge of the casket. I am started to sob uncontrollably.

I am trying form words from my mouth but nothing is happening. This is all too much. I need her; I desperately needed her and where the hell is she. Probably fucking with Reagan. Okay. I know that was out of line but still. I am allowed to be hurt am I? I mean I am hurting right now, and aren't friends supposed to there for each other and where is she. Nowhere. She isn't here.

I try to keep composed. I feel like I am falling apart. Like I am broken.

I lift my head. Tears are now dripping off of my face.

"Zen. Zen you are so brave. You have always been my hero. Ever since we were little. I know when I was younger I was a brat and I annoyed you but that is what little sisters do right? I thought about you often when you were at war. I always wished and prayed that you will be okay and come back home soon. I missed you so much and I am sorry. I am sorry I never told you this. I am sorry I never told you I loved you and meant it. I know you told me several times that you loved me but I never believed you. I loved you so much. I am sorry I never believed you. I will try to be better. I will make you proud. I will be strong for our parents. I promise I will be strong. I just want to make you proud like you made me proud. I am so proud to be your sister. I love you. I love you Zen. "

I hear the door creak open. I can't see anything. Tears are filling my eyes and I can't control my sobs. I feel arms around me leading me out of the room.

Suddenly we are outside. I can smell the fresh air.

Arms are still around me. I don't know how long we stay there but I just need this moment.

"Why didn't she come?" I ask. I feel my heart breaking more and more.

"Karm-"

"No, why didn't she come. I was there for her when her father left. I was there through all of her mother's weddings and divorces. She is- she was my family."

I get up and start to pace back and forth.

I am angry. I am beyond angry; I am livid! I know I messed up but do I deserve my brother to die? Do I deserve to feel this empty and alone?

I stop pacing and look at Mitchell. He is looking at me with a worried look.

And that was when I knew. I knew that my relationship with Amy Raudenfeld was over.


	8. Chapter 7

Broken- Ch. 7

**MITCHELL'S POV**

"Who are you texting?" Natalie asks still looking at her phone.

I swear she is glued to her phone.

"Karma"

Natalie looks up from her phone for the first time.

"You have been spending a lot of time with her" She says looking at me.

"Yea, like I said she is going through a lot."

"Like what?" I can sense her annoyance.

"Maybe you should not judge her and get to know her." I reply. It is the honest truth. All the hate Karma gets is so unfair. She is human. She makes mistakes. I know a lot of mistakes Natalie has had.

Natalie just continues to look at me.

"Okay, Maybe we can go bowling or something. Tonight?" Natalie says. I almost chocked on my water. Did Natalie just voluntarily invite Karma Ashcroft to hang out? Natalie goes back to her phone acting like this conversation never happened.

**NATALIE'S POV**

Mitchell has been hanging out with that Karma Ashcroft a lot lately. It has become very annoying. Mitchell is _my _best friend. Not anyone else, and why Karma of all people?

When I confront him about Karma he always says she is going through a lot. What ever that means. He then says that I should be friendlier to her and not judge her. That we are all human and make mistakes. He does have a point. I've done some messed up shit before.

I see Karma at school. She never smiles. It is like a foreign thing to her. I've seen her smile all the time a couple of months ago. When she was with Amy and that Booker kid.

I can tell something is wrong. She is not in P.E. anymore. I am in her class, not that she noticed. I asked the coach and he said not to worry about it. He said it while looking down.

Come to think about it Amy and that Booker kid haven't been around Karma lately.

I wonder what happened to them. I mean Amy looks happy with that girl with purple dyed hair but you can tell she misses Karma. Sometimes I catch her staring at Karma. The first time was several months ago, when I found Mitchell and Karma on the bench in the back of school talking. Amy was just staring at her with sad eyes. Then a truck pulled up and was looking for Amy. When she saw Amy she had a bright smile on. Then she looked at where Amy was staring and her smiled turn instantly. After a couple of minutes that girl honked her horn and Amy quickly got to the truck.

There was also a instance where Liam, Shane and Lauren was in the cafeteria talking and when Karma came in they all just got quiet. At first Lauren and Shane was giving her dirty looks and Liam was looking at her with worried eyes. Then all three of their expressions changed once Mitchell came up to Karma.

Honestly I don't know what is going on. I guess I am curious. Karma is not looking as bright as she usually does. I mean she has great charisma. Like I said earlier she used to smile all the time. Now I don't think she knows what a smile is.

I do admit I was pretty harsh with her that first time we met. I could have tried to be friendly. I just heard a lot about her, like everyone at school and assumed that she was this terrible monster.

So I guess that I could give her a chance. She actually looks like she could use a friend. And for some reason Mitchell is helping her.

I know Mitchell. He has a great heart. He might not be the brightest crayon in the box be was always there for me. He was there for me with my parents abandoning me.

So if Mitchell likes and cares for Karma I will try and be nice to her.

So it is Saturday morning and I am in Mitchell's room. I am a little nervous but I go with my gut and say.

"Okay, Maybe we can go bowling or something. Tonight?"

**KARMA'S POV**

It took me a week to fully recover from the funeral. Luckily we had a three-day weekend. Mitchell tried to spend as much time with me as possible. I told him I am okay but he didn't believe me. He told me he had to make sure I was okay.

I appreciated everything he has done for me. I knew he was doing this from the bottom of his heart. I didn't know how to express my appreciation for him. So I tell him as often as I can and made a mental note that whenever he needed me I will be there.

Today was Saturday morning and I had no plans. I was just in my room doing unfinished homework that was late. With all that has happened I am actually three weeks behind in my schoolwork. I am starting to feel overwhelmed. Too much has happened too fast.

I hear a knock on my door. Savi comes in and stands awkwardly in my doorway. I get up thinking something is wrong. She has never been in my room before.

She walks in a looks around my room. She has a small smile on her face. This is something we don't see in this house.

"You have a cool room!"

"Thanks" I am not sure what she is getting at.

She looks around my room. I hope she doesn't spot the picture on my nightstand of Amy and I. I don't want to explain my broken relationship. I make a mental note to take everything that reminds me of Amy out of my room.

She spots my guitar and keyboard in the corner of my room.

"You play instruments?"

I look where she is looking. I forgot they were there. I haven't played either instrument for a while. I am afraid I forgot how to play.

"Yea. "

I am reminded that my guitar was given to me three years ago from my brother on my birthday.

Sorrow overwhelms me.

Savi notices and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"You know. I've been in Austin for a month and a half and I would love to see the city and eat some bar-b-que." She says smiling at me. "I heard Texas has great bar-b-que!"

"Oh." I say.

I forgot she has been here for that long and that she came here from California. This must has been difficult for her. I mean her being pregnant and having the father die.

I feel bad. I should have been there for her. I know how it feels not to have anyone. Damn, I can be so self absorbed.

"I can take you out?" I say as a question instead of a statement.

I hardly know this woman and she have lived with us for a month and a half.

"That would be great, Karma. I will go grab my keys!" She quickly turns around and head downstairs.

I look at my phone. I got a new message from Mitchell.

-Bowling today? -

I reply quickly and tell him I have plans with Savi and maybe tonight.

He replies with a big smiley face with a have fun behind it.

I put my phone away and grab my purse.

I would have offered to drive Savi but I unfortunately don't have a license. You would think that the daughter of a police officer would be the first to have their license. But then again, you would think that the wife of a police officer wouldn't be smuggling drugs. Dang my life is so messed up!

I direct Savi to the highway that leads us to downtown. We live about fifteen minutes away so we have time to small talk and discuss what we are going to do.

I remember the last time I was downtown. It was actually when I met Savi. Her stomach has gotten a lot bigger. I mean I can't believe she is driving. She can barely fit between the steering wheel and the car seat.

"When is your due date?"

I can't believe I don't know the day of my niece due date. What is wrong with me? Again selfish! My new years resolution is to be less selfish. Hopefully I can do that.

"In two weeks" she says concentrating on the road.

Every once in a while I can hear her breath heavy. I ask her if she is okay and she says it is just cramps from being pregnant.

"Are you excited?"

"Of course. Having a baby is very exciting! And scary! I can't tell you how scared I am. I mean I am going to raise a daughter. I have to show her what is right and wrong and I want her to be proud. I want to make my daughter proud." She says.

I smile. That was really sweet.

"I am sure you will be a great mother." I honestly think she would.

She begins to breath hard. I stare at her as she come back to normal breathing. This heavy breathing is scaring me a little. I try not to worry. She says it is just cramps.

We park and walk to the restaurant. It is called Timothy's. It is the best Bar-b-que in town.

We talk and eat.

I found out that she graduated from UCLA and worked for a Hospital. She has two sisters named Willow and Francesca. They are both older than her and Francesca moved to Canada for a job. She told me when she met my brother her life changed forever. I assuming she meant getting pregnant.

She then asked about me.

I told her the good parts of me. I don't want her to not like me. So I told her that I am a sophomore at Hester High. I enjoy playing the guitar and I have played since I was six. That was all I said. There is nothing else good about me. I am a terrible person.

She looked at me funny like I am skipping a lot. Which I mean, I am. But those parts are bad Karma.

Bad Karma is Amy and Liam. Bad Karma is faking being lesbians with my best friend to gain popularity. Bad Karma is that I lost my best friend that I've known for ten years. Bad Karma is that I am alone and only has one friend.

Savi doesn't push. She just says okay. I think she knows a lot is going on but I am not ready to talk. I am not ready to talk about it to Mitchell.

She asks me one last question.

"What is your favorite name? I haven't picked a name for my little one yet. Any suggestions? She said smiling at me.

I think for a minute. I have always imagined picking my child's name.

"Adalynn" I say.

She thinks about the name for a second and says "beautiful".

After lunch we decided to walk back to the car and go to a farmer market about five minutes away.

As we are about to get in the car I hear Savi breathing heavy again. I look back at her and see her face is panicked.

"What's wrong?"

"Karma. Karma drive me to the hospital!"

I try to process the words that came out of her mouth. Drive me to the hospital. Is she is labor?

"Karma, sweetie. Drive me to the hospital. NOW!"

She is starting to scream at me. I don't know what to do.

"I- I don't have a license." I say scared to death.

"Just get in the car and drive." Savi says breathing in and out fast.

"I never drove before."

"It's okay. We will be okay."

"I-"

"KARMA. GET IN THE CAR AND DRIVE ME TO A HOSPITAL!" She yells at me. I see the panic in her eyes. I think the panic is reflecting in my eyes.

I quickly run to the driver side of the car and turn it on. I see Savi is having trouble sitting down.

She finally sits and starts to yell in pain.

I quickly turn the car off and run to her side of the car.

"Karma- I- She is coming" Savi said gritting through her teeth.

"What?"

"KARMA. I AM IN LABOR! PLEASE, PLEASE HELP!" She says yelling.

I am terrified. What am I going to do?

"Karma get on your knees!" Savi instructs me. It is a good thing that she is a nurse.

I look around. People are staring. I try to look for someone in scrubs who can help. No one.

I do what Savi is telling me. I am on my knees.

"Okay. Reach under my dress. I am going to breath heavy ten times in a row, quickly. I need you to count. 1, 2, 3, 4- and at the same time I am going to push."

I stare at her. Is this really happening? I thought she said her due date was in two weeks.

"Karm- NOW!" Savi yells.

I reach underneath her dress and start to count.

I count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. I feel blood on my hands.

She stops pushing.

"Okay, again" she says gripping on the hand rail in the car.

I count to ten. This time I feel more blood on my hands. I feel like I am going to throw up.

"Karma, you need to get closer. You need to check to see if she is crowning."

What does crowning even mean?

I scoot closer to her and I lift her dress.

Ew! I now know what crowning means. I don't think I ever want to have sex again!

"What do you see?"

"Uh- A head."

"Okay- one last time" I hear her say. I look at Savi. She is sweating and gripping the car seat like her life depended on it.

I count one last time.

One. Two Three. Four Five. Six-

Another gush of blood splatters on my hands, arms and my clothes.

I feel a small body in my arms. I pull the body close to me. I then hear crying.

I stare at the small body in my hands. She is so beautiful.

I then look up at Savi. He expression is both exhaustion and happiness. I hand her her daughter.

I watch as Savi is holding her daughter close to her body. It was the most beautiful thing.

Then the ambulance shows up. Two men and a woman come out of the truck and they observe the mother and daughter. Making sure they both are healthy.

After all of the inspections the women ask what her name was.

Savi looks at her daughter than at me. Savi is looking at me a way I am not used to. Like she likes and appreciates me.

"Adalynn Marie Ashcroft" she says.

I stare at her, trying to understand what is happening.

She is smiling at me with tears in her eyes. She grabs my hand and squeezes it.

I give her a tight squeeze and tears are forming in my eyes now. I try to smile but I cant.

They put Savi and Adalynn on a gurney and direct them to the ambulance.

"Wait- she is with me."

"Is she family?" one of the men asks.

"Yes, she is my sister-in-law."

The man turns to me and hands me a blanket. I look down at my clothes. My top and pants are covered in red. I look at my hand and arms and they are also covered in blood.

When we get to the hospital my parents are already there. They had bright eyes and smiles on their faces. My parents gave me a kiss on both cheeks. Saying that I am going to be a great auntie and I'll make a great nurse.

While my dad was holding Adalynn, Savi was asleep and my mom was taking various amounts of pictures I excuse myself and find the nearest rest room.

As I got in a stall I feel my lunch come up. I start to throw up in the toilet. It takes a couple of minutes to become normal again. Then the same thing happens again. Now I am sitting on the floor. I just sit there trying to figure out what I am feeling.

Reality hit me like a train.

I start to cry. I start to cry for Savi for having to raise her daughter by herself. Cry for Adalynn for never knowing her father. Cry for my parents who lost their only and favorite son. And for a second I cry for myself. I cry for how shitty my life is and how I messed it up.

I hear the door open and hear my mother's voice calling my name.

I reach up and unlock the stall.

She walks in and locks the stall again.

Her arms are around me.

I cry harder.

"Mom- she will never know her father." That was all I could say. I wanted to say more but I am overwhelmed.

My mom pulls me closer and kisses me on the forehead.

She tells me that everything will be okay and that we need to strong for Savi and

Adalynn.

After several minutes in the restroom with my mom holding and rocking me, we walk back to the hospital room. Savi is now holding a sleeping Adalynn in her arms and as we walk in she gives me a big smile.

My dad looks at my mom and I an stands up walking towards me. My dad gives me his police jacket to cover up my messy clothes. It is too big for me. He jokes that I look like I just murdered someone because of the blood on my clothes. He offers to take me home but I know he wants to be with his grandchild. He could tell I've been crying. He kisses me cheeks and tells me to text him when I'm home. I kiss my mom, Savi and Adalynn goodbye.

**NATALIE'S POV**

I spot Karma walking down the block. I've been calling her name but she seems to be lost in her thoughts.

I am running towards her before she stops and turns around.

She is staring at me.

I see that she has been crying. Something is wrong or is bothering her.

I see that she has a police jacket that is three times too big for her.

She looks overwhelmed.

"I- I was wondering if we were still on for bowling tonight?"

She continues to stare at me.

"Mitchell told me about it." I am at lost of words. She is very intimidating. She is going through a lot. I can see it through her eyes. I feel bad for judging her.

"Sorry, can't." She says turning back around.

I told Mitchell that I would make an effort. So here is my effort.

"Come on. Lets get lunch."

"Sorry, can't". Is this going to be her response every time?

"Well you must be hot. Let me take your jacket". I mean we live in Texas and it is like ninety degrees outside." Why is she wearing a jacket? I can see the sweat dripping from her face.

"No- I'm fine!" She yells at me as I have one of her arm out of the sleeves and attempting to the other arm.

Then I see her clothes. They have blood on it, a lot of blood. Did she murder someone?

"I SAID I WAS FINE!" She snatches her jacket back and quickly puts it on.

I am frozen.

"What happened?" I ask.

She looks at me with a disgusted look.

"Why would I tell you? You don't like me. You don't care about me?" She is staring at me. Her eyes are dilated. I can tell she is very hurt and going through a lot. I can see it in her eyes. I can't believe I didn't see this. I feel even worst.

"Whoa- what is going on here?" Mitchell says. I forgot he was here. We were grabbing something to eat and I came outside because I saw Karma walking.

He is looking between Karma and I. He notices the blood on Karma's clothes and his eyes gets big.

"Karma- what happened?" He asks sincerely. Stepping closer to her.

She looks between Mitchell and I. Then she looks down. Tears are forming in her eyes.

She looks back up and looks at Mitchell.

"I am an aunt!" She says while shifting her weight front to back with her hands in her pocket. She forces a smile.

Mitchell's expression said it all. This wasn't a happy celebration of life. It was a sad one.

**MITCHELL'S POV**

How did I not know this? How is she an Aunt? All these questions cross my mind.

I grab Karma's hands and pull her for a hug. Natalie is looking horrified, like what have she gotten herself into.

Karma pulls away tears streaming down her face. I hate it when she cries. She deserves the world.

"My-brother- got- this- girl- pregnant- and- she's- been- living- with-us." Karma is saying in between sobs. "She-gave-birth-today-I-helped-deliver-her".

I feel my heart break. This girl does not deserve what is going on in her life. I wish I could take all her pain away. You can tell how stressed Karma is. It looks like she hasn't slept for month, I know she isn't eating and her eyes are puffy from always crying. I look at Natalie again and she looks worried for Karma.

Natalie takes a step towards Karma and puts an arm around her shoulder. She starts walking to her car, which is a couple of blocks away.

"Karma, I'm going to take you to my house so you can take a shower and just relax. I will call your parents." Natalie said. I am surprise.

"Natalie- it's okay" Karma says.

Natalie turns to Karma and says "Please Karma, let me help."


End file.
